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Empowering yourself is a very imortant part of this process! When you have been abused, be it physical,
mental, emotional, you are broken down to nothing. I have always thought of it as being an egg. Your abuser chips
and chips away at your shell,. until you are nothing but a newborn chick. But, here is the great part of that, you are a newborn!
Just as you have taught your children how to do everything. Now is the time you have to reteach yourself about you and how
to live. You have the capacity to change anything you want! You have to want it, you have to really look at yourself
and your situation. Believe me it is not easy! It is so much easier to look and blame someone else for you life. You
may not like it , but it is yours! You have to stop making excuses! You have to take ownership of your life, no matter how
messed up it is!
No one has to live like that!! No one. I was terrified my ex would kill my children. I believed him
when he said he would find me and then my kids and make me watch while he killed them. I finally left him when my children
went into DHS custody, because oddly enough that they were safe from him. My hilly road started from there.
I fought like hell for the next 7 years to save my family from the destruction he began. I both lost and won big! Please
don't get me wrong, I take full responsibility for the decisions I made that affected my family! Like I said before,
it is easy to point and blame, but it is hell to look at yourself. No matter what has happened in your life, don't let
anyone make you feel small! Especially yourself!
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That Something Within
Jackie Dove-Miller
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There is something within me
That is strong enough
To keep me from toppling
Over
the edge of
Sanity,
Over the ledge of
frustration
Or over the hedge of
All-out foolishness.
It leads me
to prayer
When I would otherwise
Break.
There is something in my make-up
Or my bringing up
Or just the way
I look up
That straightens my back
And bows my head.
It becomes the focus of my meditation.
The sentiment in my
supplication,
The reason for my transformation.
That thing inside me
Has me choosing light
Though darkness covers
all.
It wells up like ocean waves
Come to drown those who
Think they deserve to push me back
Hold me down or
Steal
my joy.
I have a spiritual strength that
Grows deeper and speaks louder as I get to know
More about who I am.
"Where
did IT come from?" Someone recently asked.
I answered, "In my developing stage, someone said out loud,
'You sure are
good at _______,'"
My puny soul embraced that seed,
and it planted itself deep inside me and took root.
I tested
that tiny bit of ego-strength against
The negative family messages that focused on
What I was NOT good at, making me
feel small
And disconnected.
I was NOT good at being like my mother
Who was all but saintly.
I was NOT good at
being
Like my sister who was beautiful and dainty.
I was NOT ballerina thin, nor prissy neat,
But I WAS good at ________
And
when I looked a little further, I discovered that
I was GOOD ENOUGH.
Good enough to bear fruit
And reap a harvest.
Good
enough to plant a seed
In others and watch them grow
Magnificent and free.
I was GOOD ENOUGH to relate to
The
GOD inside of me.
So, this poem is for all my sister-friends
Who don't yet know that
YOU are better than what
your mothers,
your teachers, the men in your life,
or even the good sisters in church have called you.
Because God
has called you Blessed
And HIS is the only voice that matters.
So, here and now, I pray OUR sister-prayer,
Dear Lord,
Help
me to release
the self-doubt
That lives in my heart.
Remind me daily
That I am the product of
Your hands...
And
all that
you make... ALL THAT YOU MAKE
Is Perfect. Amen
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